The Stockdale Paradox – A lesson in Resilience

‘The Stockdale Paradox’ is named after U.S Navy Vice Admiral and aviator James Stockdale, awarded the Medal of Honour in the Vietnam War, during which he was a prisoner of war for over seven years.

In his memoirs he recorded the dark details of his brutal torture during his time as a POW.

He was asked how he mentally survived during that time, when he didn’t know if he would ever get out alive. He replied:

“I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

This became known as the Stockdale Paradox; Having and unwavering faith that you can and will prevail in the end regardless of the difficulties you are facing. Whilst having the strength to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality.

Later in life when speaking at a West Point graduation, he was asked if he focused on the end of his imprisonment to sustain him, or if he lived day to day?

“ I lived on a day-to-day basis… Some of the men thought it was much better for everybody to be an optimist…They were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”

I recently came across this story and it resonated deeply with me.

Unlike ‘toxic positivity’, which is having a belief that you should put a positive spin on all experiences, even those that are profoundly tragic, and does not confront the reality of a situation; this is having a resolve that no matter what you are facing you will prevail but knowing that is ok to honour the pain and difficulty you are currently going through.

I am in awe of his remark that he knew what he was going through would be the defining moment of his life which in retrospect he would not trade!

When we go through a difficult trauma of course we wish we could have avoided it. But in a way you become someone who has a unique gift to share with others who are going through the same thing, especially if you are further along in your journey.  And that alone can be very beneficial to your own healing process.

If you are struggling with a situation and would like to know how Solution Focused Hypnotherapy can help you, please visit the services section of my website. Or if you would like to book a free telephone consultation for an informal please feel free to Contact me.